Oscars ballot 2016


First of all, disclaimer: I’ve only watched two of all the nominated movies: Bridge of Spies and The Martian. But that only makes the ballot so much more fun. So, let’s go!

Writing (Original screenplay):

Ex Machina is out because it’s sci-fi and Inside Out is out because it’s animation. The Academy doesn’t like rappers and child molestation is too touchy a topic, so I’m going with Bridge of Spies, though it was crud, because it has an American lawyer outsmarting the commies! Yay! [Wrong!]

Writing (Adapted screenplay):

The Martian was a great adaptation, but it’s out because it’s sci-fi. Carolhas lesbians, so no. The Room looks like it’s got some fantasy or mindfuck in it, so no. The big short is conflictive with rich people (also, looks like a comedy or something), so I’m going with Brooklyn. It’s corny enough for the Academy’s tastes. [Wrong!]


Visual effects:

Okay, here is where sci-fi gets something. Episode VII is going to get nothing now because they’re saving it all for Episode IX (precedent: The return of the King). I think I’m going with Ex Machina because it’s got the flashiest effects of the whole lot and it’s not going to get much else. [Correct!]

Sound mixing:

Welp, I’ve got no idea, even if I had watched all the candidates. It’s eeny-meeny-miney-mo here, so I’m picking The Force awakens (it goes swoosh swoosh a lot). [Wrong!]

Sound editing:

Wait, is that different from sound mixing? Eeny-meeny-miney-mo, Mad Max: Fury Road (it goes boom a lot). [Correct!]


Short film (Live action):

I was going to use the Golden Globes lifeline, but they don’t have this category. The people in Ave Maria, Day One and Shok are too brown to get an Oscar, but Stutterer is about a white guy with a speech impediment, just the kind of integration they like, so I’m going with that one. [Correct!]

Short film (Animated):

This one is easy, you just have to look for the one made by Pixar, in this case it’s Sanjay’s Super Team. [Wrong!]

Production design:

Are sci-fi movies allowed to get one of these? Does it count as technical Oscar or not? I think the “big technical awards” are going to The Revenant because it’s not getting any of the real big ones, since Iñárritu already won last year. So, The Revenant. Though it could also beBridge of Spies, but in such high-budget movies the decision is more political than technical. [Wrong! Sci-fi can get one of these.]

Music (original song):

If there was a James Bond release that year, the James Bond theme gets it, so Writing’s on the wall[Correct!]

Music (original score):

There’s a Star Wars movie with music by John Williams, so there you go. [Wrong! I should have checked out Morricone and seen he only had an honorific until now.]


Makeup and hairstyling:

This one is between Mad Max and The Revenant, and it’s going to beThe Revenant because, when all is said and done, it’s flashier.[Wrong!]

Foreign language film:

Embrace of the serpent, Theeb and Mustang have too many brown people. A war is about Afghanistan war, so Son of Saul. It’s got some Holocaust in it and everyone likes Holocaust films that don’t make us wonder if we’re doing something wrong. [Correct!]


Film editing: See Production design. So, The Revenant. [Wrong!]

Documentary (Short subject):

There is one about the legendary film Shoah, but since I don’t think anyone in the jury sat through the nine and a half hours that takes, I’m going with Body Team 12, about white people saving people of colour from Ebola. [Wrong!]

Documentary (Feature):

This one is between the documentary about Amy Winehouse and the one about Nina Simone. Do they want to go mainstream or exclusive? I’m going with exclusive: What happened, Miss Simone? And with that and Chris Rock we cover the diversity quota. [Okay, they decided to go mainstream.]



The Revenant is not getting it because Iñárritu already got it last year, though there would be precedents of two Oscars in a row or very close to each other (see Christoph Waltz). I think this one is going to George Miller for Mad Max: Fury Road. As a nod to the critical acclaim the film had and to the fact that it’s not getting anything else for not being the right genre. [Wrong!]

Costume design:

This one is tailored for Cinderella. They were going on and on about the fucking dress for so long I hope they get it and shut up about that dress forever. [Turns out the dress wasn’t that great.]



I refuse to believe anyone would give a film by Tarantino an Oscar for Cinematography, so I think it’s Mad Max again. [The Revenantcame and bit me in the butt.]

Animated feature film:

Once again, you have to look for the movie by Pixar. There is one by Studio Ghibli but Miyazaki is not directing it, so Inside Out[Correct!]


Actress in a supporting role:

Here is when you have to start asking yourself: is there someone here who should have gotten an Oscar before? Also, is there someone quirky enough to become a star overnight? (See Jennifer Lawrence). Jennifer Jason Leigh is a no. Rooney Mara could be a new Jennifer Lawrence, but, lesbians. Rachel MacAdams is not Oscar material yet, and nor is Alicia Vikander. Kate Winslet already has an Oscar but she got it in 2009. Golden Globe lifeline says she’s getting another one. So, Kate Winslet, though I’m looking closely at Rooney Mara. [Wrong!]

Actor in a supporting role:

Golden Globes lifeline says this one is for Stallone, though the nominations are very different. Mark Rylance did a great job but he’s not Oscar material. Hardy, Ruffalo and Bale are all in the right moment of their careers to get an Oscar, though Bale already has one. I’m going for Mark Ruffalo. [Wrong! Though all did great, my personal favourite was Tom Hardy.]

Actress in a leading role:

Both Brie Larson and Jennifer Lawrence got Golden Globes this year. Cate Blanchett has two already. I think Brie Larson is going to be the Jennifer Lawrence of this year. [Correct!]


Actor in a leading role:

Okay, so we got to the juicy category. Matt Damon is out. Good Will Hunting was a long time ago but he’s starring in a sci-fi. Bryan Cranston is a TV actor. He’s here as a pat on the back but nothing else (unless they want to reward him for Breaking Bad… which would be weird as hell). So DiCaprio is going up against Michael Fassbender playing Steve Jobs and Eddie Redmayne playing a transgender woman. The other two films about Steve Jobs were not very successful and I don’t see why this one should be. Eddie Redmayne got an Oscar last year for playing Stephen Hawking, so not really a contender. DiCaprio has been begging for an Oscar for so long it’s not even funny anymore, and he got a Golden Globe, so I think he’s getting it. Not for The Revenant, but for everything he did that should have got him an Oscar but didn’t. [Correct!]


Best picture:

This one has me scratching my head. There are some movies on the list that have reasons to not get the Oscar (The Revenant would be second Oscar in a row for Iñárritu, The Martian and Mad Max are the wrong genre), but at the same time there is not one movie that has a strong reason to win. It would be weird if The Big Short, Room, Brooklyn orSpotlight won without having won in any of the other categories. Also, Ridley Scott has been nominated four times but never won. It’s high time. So I’m between The Martian and The Revenant. I want The Martian to win but I know it’s not going to. So, The Revenant.[Wrong!]


Final score: 33%. Boo me!

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